What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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