I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
