if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
