Can i not drive my cunt home
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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