his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
