everyone is single if you try hard enough
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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