Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Are we still banned from the library?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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