One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize