based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize