life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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