i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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