That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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