i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
