wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
