I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
