apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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