If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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