There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I met the friendliest cop last night
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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