I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
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Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Help. Why am I so naked?
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