In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
