I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
