Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
