Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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