What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
