She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
