Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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