i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
