no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
