It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
