Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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