jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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