If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
