I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think people are normalizing furries
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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