I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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