if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I stole a fireplace last night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
