Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
