I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
