And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
