I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I die, sorry about rent.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
