I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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