True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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