She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
