Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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