OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love having hate sex.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
