I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
