My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got inside last night via doggy door
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize