you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
