I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
