Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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