I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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