i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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