ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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