I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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