watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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