His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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