so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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