hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pappa wants mamma naked
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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