Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I enjoy the company of your penis
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