her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am one with the molecules
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
