i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
