It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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