You smell like stripper and shame
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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