no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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