he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
