My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
