I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
