My boss' voice literally gives me gas
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
