I love black thongs
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
