I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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