You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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