I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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