My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize