the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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