I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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