When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i believe in u and ur pee
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
