hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
