i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
