So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The adults are the big ones right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
