No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
