Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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